Crap Towns / Essex / Great Dunmow
Great Dunmow
13/100Crap Score
854th crappest of 984 towns, and 26th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Too nice, frankly.
They hand out bacon to couples who haven't had a row. That's the big event.
Great Dunmow's annoyingly nice. Its big event is the Flitch Trials, where couples who swear they haven't argued for a year win a side of bacon. A side of bacon. Nobody fly-tips, nobody nicks bikes, and the buses run all night because the airport's next door.
The only real moan is airport passengers dumping their cars in your road for a fortnight. That, and June 2026, when a major pollution incident put crude sewage in the water. For a town that hands out prizes for not rowing, that's the sort of thing that starts one.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Great Dunmow's 84 for broadband means it's crapper than 84% of towns.
- Broadband84/10014.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.1% across the Uttlesford council area
- Sewage spills50/100283 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution49/1007.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires45/1005.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene44/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 50 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson34/1005.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour26/1007.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions21/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain19/100117 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping3/1003.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Uttlesford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
| 24 | Stanford-le-Hope | 17 |
| 25 | Brentwood | 17 |
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
Great Dunmow by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 51.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 32% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.9 per 10,000 people, 3.2x the typical town's 0.9
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 26% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,625 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Uttlesford council
- £2,334 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £58 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Great Dunmow against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.