Crap Towns / Essex / Takeley and Little Canfield
Takeley and Little Canfield
47/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 47. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Takeley. Next to the runway.
Planes overhead, airport parkers in your street and new houses on every field.
Takeley has Stansted Airport in the parish, which means planes all day and passengers leaving their cars in your street for a fortnight. Priors Green keeps eating the fields. Hatfield Forest's nice.
The storm overflows round here spill at 6.6 times the typical town's rate. Planes over your head and sewage under your feet. The car thieves are busy, which is what happens when half of Essex leaves its car outside your house and flies to Tenerife.
There isn't a single public park. The last bus pulls out at 2.55am, mind, because the airport never shuts. Nice to know you can always leave.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Takeley and Little Canfield's 92 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Sewage spills92/1001,803 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour88/10016.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson62/1008.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband62/1006.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.1% across the Uttlesford council area
- Food hygiene60/1005.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 19 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution54/1008.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires22/1003.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions22/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain10/100114 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping3/1003.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Uttlesford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Wickford | 52 |
| 10 | Canvey Island | 51 |
| 11 | Harlow | 48 |
| 12 | Epping | 47 |
| – | Takeley and Little Canfield | 47 |
| 13 | Grays | 46 |
| 14 | Chigwell | 43 |
| 15 | Loughton | 41 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.16 | South Ockendon | 37 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Takeley and Little Canfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 74.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 47% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 2.55am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Better: 59% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,608 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Uttlesford council
- £2,334 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £58 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Takeley and Little Canfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.