Crap Towns / Essex / Canvey Island
Canvey Island
51/100Crap Score
485th crappest of 984 towns, and 10th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Canvey. Not the Caymans.
An island in the Thames with oil tanks, a concrete sea wall and a queue to get off it.
Canvey Island. Sounds exotic. It isn't. It's oil terminals, a big concrete sea wall and houses below the high tide line. Getting off it means sitting at Sadlers Farm for ages. Locals joke about passport control at the bridge. Some days it'd honestly be quicker.
It's the home of pub rock and there are 5 pubs left on the whole island. The pool shut in 2012, there's hardly a park or a swing, and some idiot's setting the bins alight at 1.5 times the typical town's rate. The sun's out 1,751 hours a year, mind, so you get a lovely view of the oil tanks.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Canvey Island's 77 for air pollution means it's crapper than 77% of towns.
- Air pollution77/10010.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband75/10013.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.8% across the Castle Point council area
- Deliberate fires68/1008.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour68/10011.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping57/10010.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Castle Point council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson56/1007.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills43/100207 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions40/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene22/1001.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 158 food businesses with a rating
- Rain1/100106 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Chadwell St Mary | 62 |
| 7 | Southend-on-Sea | 55 |
| 8 | Colchester | 55 |
| 9 | Wickford | 52 |
| 10 | Canvey Island | 51 |
| 11 | Harlow | 48 |
| 12 | Epping | 47 |
| 13 | Grays | 46 |
| 14 | Chigwell | 43 |
Canvey Island by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 64.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 15% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 68% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2016
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 32) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 7.9 per 100,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.27am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 31.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,751 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 14% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Castle Point council
- £2,319 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £73 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Canvey Island against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.