Crap Towns / Essex / Southend-on-Sea
Southend-on-Sea
55/100Crap Score
Locals call it Sarfend.
442nd crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Southend-on-Mud.
A very long pier, a lot of arcades, a lot of mud, and seagulls that'll have your chips.
Southend has the longest pleasure pier in the world, and you pay to walk to the end of it and find sod all there. When the tide goes out it's Southend-on-Mud. The Golden Mile is arcades and chips, the kitchens are dodgier than most and the gulls will have your dinner anyway.
The sun's out for 1,774 hours a year, so there's plenty of light to see the High Street by: shops shut, units empty, another one going. It's a city now, apparently. Nobody's noticed. The people in Leigh will tell you they're from Leigh.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Southend-on-Sea's 85 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Serious road collisions85/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution78/10010.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene77/1003.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,213 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour61/10011.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson59/1007.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping57/10010.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Southend-on-Sea council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills23/10054.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires13/1003.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband1/1001.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 1.7% across the Southend-on-Sea council area
- Rain0/100104 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Waltham Abbey | 69 |
| 4 | Clacton-on-Sea | 68 |
| 5 | Chafford Hundred and West Thurrock | 64 |
| 6 | Chadwell St Mary | 62 |
| 7 | Southend-on-Sea | 55 |
| 8 | Colchester | 55 |
| 9 | Wickford | 52 |
| 10 | Canvey Island | 51 |
| 11 | Harlow | 48 |
Southend-on-Sea by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 98.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 29% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 72 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 3.9 per 10,000 people, 4.3x the typical town's 0.9
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
- 3 of 8 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 47 pubs, 49 hairdressers, 14 charity shops, 11 bookmakers, 9 vape shops, 16 banks, 4 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 141) Better: 48% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 1.6 per 100,000 people, 53% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 55 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.0 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.6
- 16 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 3 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 34.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,774 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 16% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Southend-on-Sea council
- £2,265 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £127 less than the English average
- 23% of Southend-on-Sea council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 44% higher than England's 16%
- 14 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Southend-on-Sea against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.