Crap Towns / Essex / Braintree
Braintree
21/100Crap Score
775th crappest of 984 towns, and 23rd in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Get comfy, you're in the queue
Braintree's got a designer outlet and a load of new houses. Nobody bothered with the roads.
Braintree used to make silk and metal window frames. Now there's a designer outlet, a load of new estates and the same roads it had before, so the bypass jams and the jam spills into town. They've been promising better roads for years. You'll be drawing your pension first.
For a town this size there are 2 hairdressers and 2 charity shops on the map, so everyone does their shopping at the outlet and gets their hair cut God knows where. The buses run all night, which is handy, because the roads don't move in the day.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Braintree's 60 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 60% of towns.
- Serious road collisions60/1002.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution60/1008.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene44/1002.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 222 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour42/1009.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills38/100148 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson37/1006.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband27/1002.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 9.7% across the Braintree council area
- Deliberate fires18/1003.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping16/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Braintree council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain9/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | Billericay | 29 |
| 20 | Witham | 28 |
| 21 | Harwich | 23 |
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
| 24 | Stanford-le-Hope | 17 |
| 25 | Brentwood | 17 |
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
Braintree by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 80.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 5% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 About the same: 0.9 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 0.9
- 4 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 16 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 6 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 6.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 33) Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 2.3 per 100,000 people, 32% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 32% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,643 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Braintree council
- £2,280 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £112 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Braintree against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.