Crap Towns / Essex / Billericay
Billericay
29/100Crap Score
702nd crappest of 984 towns, and 19th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Billericay. Famous for somewhere else.
Billericay got famous off Gavin and Stacey. They filmed it in bloody Wales.
Billericay's famous off the telly, except they filmed it in Wales, so the tourists go there instead. What Billers actually has is new estates, the school run parked on every verge and a wait for the doctor so long you'll be better before you're seen. It's the less TOWIE version of Brentwood, and it can't decide if that's a compliment.
Crime's about half the typical town's and the yobs barely show up. The fly-tippers do: Basildon council logs nearly three times the typical council's. The banks have announced 5 branch closures, there's 1 hairdresser left on the map and 3 of the 27 takeaways have a low hygiene rating. Chelmsford fans piss themselves.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Billericay's 91 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Fly-tipping91/10029.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Basildon council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution72/1009.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene64/1003.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 152 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband57/1009.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.7% across the Basildon council area
- Serious road collisions41/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills39/100171 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain5/100110 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson2/1002.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires1/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour0/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | Loughton | 41 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.16 | South Ockendon | 37 |
| 17 | Buckhurst Hill | 37 |
| 18 | Thundersley and South Benfleet | 32 |
| 19 | Billericay | 29 |
| 20 | Witham | 28 |
| 21 | Harwich | 23 |
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Billericay by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 40.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 47% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 11 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 3.2 per 10,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 1.1
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2016
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 11.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (3 of 27) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 5 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 14.7 per 100,000 people, 4.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.06am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 31.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,683 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 10% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Basildon council
- £2,327 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £65 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 6 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Billericay against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.