Crap Towns / Essex / Ingatestone
Ingatestone
40/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 40. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Commuters, mainly.
A nice old Essex village with a fast train to London and rather less enthusiasm for fast broadband.
Ingatestone is a pretty old village with a Tudor hall, big ancient stones by Fryerning Lane and fast trains to Liverpool Street. The trains are the only fast thing about it. Gigabit broadband reaches 55.1% of the place, and anyone working from home spends a lot of the day watching a little wheel go round.
It's quiet and safe, with plenty of pubs and no park at all. The last bus home is at 8.09pm. The sewers make up for the quiet: the storm overflows round here spilled for 3.5 times the typical town's hours. Mind the ditches.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ingatestone's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10044.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.3% across the Brentwood council area
- Sewage spills82/100971 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution74/1009.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions72/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping66/10013.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Brentwood council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene28/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 32 food businesses with a rating
- Rain5/100111 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires2/1000.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour1/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Epping | 47 |
| 13 | Grays | 46 |
| 14 | Chigwell | 43 |
| 15 | Loughton | 41 |
| – | Ingatestone | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.16 | South Ockendon | 37 |
| 17 | Buckhurst Hill | 37 |
| 18 | Thundersley and South Benfleet | 32 |
| 19 | Billericay | 29 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ingatestone by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 46.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 39% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 9.2 per 10,000 people, 2.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.7 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.09pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 3.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 7.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 44.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,671 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 9% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Brentwood council
Have a crap-off
Ingatestone against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.