Crap Towns / Essex / Great Notley
Great Notley
1/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 1. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Great Notley. It's a nice park.
A planned village with a big country park. When it rains, you're stuffed.
Great Notley was planned from scratch and you can tell. Tidy houses, hardly any crime and a country park with a giant bird statue on the hill. Nobody sets fire to anything. Nobody burgles anything. The park is the entertainment, and at weekends the queue for it backs up to the Tesco roundabout.
When it rains there's nothing to do indoors at all. No pool, 1 public toilet and 3 pubs. Braintree's down the road if you're desperate.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Great Notley's 58 for air pollution means it's crapper than 58% of towns.
- Air pollution58/1008.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband39/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 9.7% across the Braintree council area
- Sewage spills35/100
- Food hygiene32/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 26 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping16/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Braintree council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour11/1005.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain11/100114 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions6/1000.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires1/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| – | Great Notley | 1 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
Great Notley by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 33.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 57% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 problem reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 94% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 19% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.24pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 4.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 33% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,643 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Braintree council
- £2,280 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £112 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Great Notley against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.