Crap Towns / Essex / Hockley and Hawkwell
Hockley and Hawkwell
7/100Crap Score
914th crappest of 984 towns, and 30th in Essex. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The tiny roundabout runs your life
Villages that grew into each other, held together by a mini-roundabout.
Hockley and Hawkwell were separate villages until the houses joined them up. It's quiet, the woods are lovely and there's hardly any crime, so the whole place has nothing better to do than queue for the tiny roundabout in the middle of Hockley every morning.
The trains to London cost a fortune and the buses barely bother after tea. There are 3 pubs for the lot of them. And the kitchens are dodgy, with low hygiene ratings at nearly three times the typical town. It's the only thing in Hockley getting away with anything.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hockley and Hawkwell's 81 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Food hygiene81/1006.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 58 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution72/1009.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband41/1005.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.1% across the Rochford council area
- Sewage spills28/100
- Fly-tipping24/1007.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rochford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires21/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions20/1001.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain3/100109 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour2/1004.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | Brentwood | 17 |
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
Hockley and Hawkwell by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 29.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 61% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 2.1x the typical town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 2 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.34pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 32% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,725 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 13% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Rochford council
- £2,363 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hockley and Hawkwell against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.