Crap Towns / Northumberland / Seaton Delaval
Seaton Delaval
53/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 53. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Eaton Delaval, and you can see why
A grand old hall, good ice cream, a lot of takeaways, and buses that don't turn up.
Seaton Delaval has a proper grand hall, a good ice cream tradition and enough takeaways that locals call it Eaton Delaval. The buses are rare and useless, so you can't easily leave. Have an ice cream and wait for the bus. You'll be there a while.
The swimming pool's shut as well, so the ice cream's doing all the work. Some knobhead keeps setting the grass alight at over seven times the typical town's rate, and the anti-social behaviour runs well over the typical town's. Lovely hall, mind.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Seaton Delaval's 85 for deliberate fires means it's crapper than 85% of towns.
- Deliberate fires85/10017.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour81/10022.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband71/1008.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.9% across the Northumberland council area
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Northumberland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills52/100299 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson49/1007.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution37/1008.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain35/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene22/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 47 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions21/1001.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Blyth | 83 |
| 2 | Ashington | 61 |
| 3 | Prudhoe | 58 |
| 4 | Berwick-upon-Tweed | 58 |
| 5 | Morpeth | 57 |
| 6 | Bedlington | 56 |
| – | Seaton Delaval | 53 |
| 7 | Hexham | 49 |
| 8 | Cramlington | 47 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Ponteland | 34 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Seaton Delaval by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 73.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 142 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 177 per 10,000 people, 52.1x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 25% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.58pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 81% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,598 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Northumberland council
Have a crap-off
Seaton Delaval against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.