Crap Towns / Kent / Otford and Kemsing
Otford and Kemsing
17/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 17. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Queue round the duck pond.
A listed duck pond in the middle of a roundabout, and the council pays to feed the ducks.
Otford has a duck pond in the middle of a roundabout, it's listed, and the council gives the ducks a food allowance. Seriously. There's also a scale model of the solar system dotted round the village. Traffic queues round the pond and when Pilgrims Way shuts the lanes jam solid. Kemsing just gets on with it.
The ducks are better looked after than anyone at a bus stop: the last bus home is at 5.12pm and on a Sunday there isn't one. Three in five people live further than 400 metres from a park or play area. What's left of the old Archbishops' palace has ended up on the at-risk register. The ducks are fine.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Otford and Kemsing's 84 for broadband means it's crapper than 84% of towns.
- Broadband84/10011.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.8% across the Sevenoaks council area
- Air pollution68/1008.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene55/1003.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 29 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills48/100
- Serious road collisions42/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping32/1008.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Sevenoaks council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain24/100119 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires9/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour1/1005.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 24 | Hythe | 44 |
| 25 | Tonbridge | 43 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.26 | Royal Tunbridge Wells | 39 |
| 27 | Larkfield | 38 |
| 28 | Deal | 36 |
| 29 | Herne | 32 |
| 30 | Sevenoaks | 27 |
| – | Otford and Kemsing | 17 |
| 31 | Longfield, New Ash Green and Hartley | 10 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Otford and Kemsing by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 31.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 59% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 59% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.1 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 2.7 per 10,000 people, 3.9x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 5.12pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 60.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 3.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,629 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Sevenoaks council
Have a crap-off
Otford and Kemsing against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.