Crap Towns / Greater London / Lambeth
Lambeth
95/100Crap Score
49th crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Lambeth? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
St Reatham. Nobody's buying it.
The tourists stay on the South Bank. Very wise, considering what gets dumped on Streatham High Road.
Lambeth gives the tourists the South Bank and keeps the rest for itself. Streatham High Road has a dumped sofa on it most weeks, and the Vauxhall gyratory sends you round and round until you give up and live there. Brixton's the Brix, and somebody in Streatham decided it was St Reatham. It isn't helping.
Lambeth council logged over 21,000 fly-tips in 2024-25, and the ombudsman upheld 60 complaints against it the year after. Low hygiene ratings run at three times the typical town, so check the sticker before you eat. And hold on to your phone: theft from the person runs at 14.9 per 1,000 people a year, against 0.4 in the typical town.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Lambeth's 99 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Serious road collisions99/1006.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution99/10020.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 9.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping97/10039.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Lambeth council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene97/1007.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 2,164 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour95/10030.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson48/1006.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband46/1007.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.7% across the Lambeth council area
- Deliberate fires38/100
- Sewage spills23/10051.7 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain8/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | City of London | 100 |
| 2 | Westminster | 100 |
| 3 | Camden | 97 |
| 4 | Tower Hamlets | 96 |
| 5 | Lambeth | 95 |
| 6 | Haringey | 92 |
| 7 | Hackney | 92 |
| 8 | Brent | 91 |
| 9 | Hillingdon | 91 |
Lambeth by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 118 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 76.2
- 1,936 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 60.9 per 10,000 people, 55.4x the typical town's 1.1
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 152 pubs, 153 hairdressers, 28 charity shops, 23 bookmakers, 5 vape shops, 12 banks, 6 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.8% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (28 of 360) Worse: 2x the typical town's 4.0%
- 7 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.2 per 100,000 people, 35% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 98 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.1 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 1.6
- 15 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 29% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 18 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.03am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 63% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,569 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Lambeth council
Have a crap-off
Lambeth against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.