Crap Towns / Greater London / Hackney
Hackney
92/100Crap Score
84th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Hackney. Mind your phone, mate.
Stokey's all buggies and organic veg, and the council's put a planter across every road out of it.
Hackney's where everyone dresses like they've just been sacked from a brewery and pays a fortune for the privilege. London Fields is a park full of people drinking cans in very expensive trainers. Dalston goes on all night. Some bugger on a moped will have your phone off you on Kingsland Road.
That last bit isn't a joke. Theft from the person is off the scale, and the bikes go the same way. The council logged 31,042 fly-tips in a year, which is a lot of mattresses for people this into vintage furniture. The air's got nearly three times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it. The ombudsman looked into 31 complaints about the council and upheld all 31.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hackney's 99 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Fly-tipping99/100118 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Hackney council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution99/10022.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 9.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions96/1005.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour95/10030.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene93/1005.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,720 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband51/1008.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.4% across the Hackney council area
- Criminal damage and arson41/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires39/100
- Sewage spills6/1001.5 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain6/100111 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Camden | 97 |
| 4 | Tower Hamlets | 96 |
| 5 | Lambeth | 95 |
| 6 | Haringey | 92 |
| 7 | Hackney | 92 |
| 8 | Brent | 91 |
| 9 | Hillingdon | 91 |
| 10 | Croydon | 91 |
| 11 | Ealing | 90 |
Hackney by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 123 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 76.2
- 8,297 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 320 per 10,000 people, 290.9x the typical town's 1.1
- 10 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 123 pubs, 149 hairdressers, 24 charity shops, 17 bookmakers, 5 vape shops, 11 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.2% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (14 of 195) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 1.5 per 100,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 18 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 10 public swimming pools open; 3 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 35 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 99% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,566 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Hackney council
Have a crap-off
Hackney against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.