Crap Towns / Greater London / Westminster
Westminster
100/100Crap Score
3rd crappest of 984 towns, and 2nd in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Parliament's here. Explains a lot.
Oxford Street's gone to tat, and Leicester Square is a pedicab blasting music at a pigeon.
The country gets run from Westminster, and you can tell. Everyone comes for Big Ben and the Palace and spends the afternoon dodging pedicabs with speakers the size of a fridge. Oxford Street's gone to tat. Soho goes on till the small hours, and for all the public loos, four times the typical town's per head, the doorways still get it.
The police record 409 crimes per 1,000 people a year, more than five times the typical town's, and the commonest is someone having your phone or your wallet off you. The council logs fly-tipping at more than eleven times the typical council's rate. Nitrogen dioxide is three times the typical town's. This is where they make the laws.
Banks have announced 27 branch closures since 2022, and a Band D bill here is under half England's average. Someone's doing all right out of Westminster.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Westminster's 99 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour99/10066.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution99/10024.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 9.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping99/100125 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Westminster council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions99/10011.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene96/1006.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 4,919 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson90/10011.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires80/100
- Broadband65/10010.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.5% across the Westminster council area
- Sewage spills31/100102 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain12/100114 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | City of London | 100 |
| 2 | Westminster | 100 |
| 3 | Camden | 97 |
| 4 | Tower Hamlets | 96 |
| 5 | Lambeth | 95 |
| 6 | Haringey | 92 |
| 7 | Hackney | 92 |
| 8 | Brent | 91 |
| 9 | Hillingdon | 91 |
Westminster by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 409 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 5.4x the typical town's 76.2
- 375 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 18.4 per 10,000 people, 16.7x the typical town's 1.1
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
- Good The Serpentine - Hyde Park's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 333 pubs, 279 hairdressers, 28 charity shops, 49 bookmakers, 8 vape shops, 74 banks, 13 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.1% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (19 of 236) Worse: 2x the typical town's 4.0%
- 27 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 13.2 per 100,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 library shut for good since 2010: St. James's Library (2011)
- 130 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.4 per 10,000 people, 4x the typical town's 1.6
- 32 public swimming pools open; 13 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical English town's 0.7
- 20 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 2.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 92% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,586 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Westminster council
Have a crap-off
Westminster against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.