Crap Towns / Greater London / City of London
City of London
100/100Crap Score
2nd crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Nobody lives here. Still a tip.
The whole of the Home Counties commutes in, gets hammered on a Friday and goes home. The few who live here get the mess.
The Square Mile fills up with suits every weekday morning and empties out by teatime, and hardly anybody actually lives here. So every pint thrown and every bin kicked over on a Friday gets counted against the handful of souls in the Barbican. Come the weekend it's a ghost town. Everything's shut except the cranes.
On paper it's carnage. Crime at 14.5 times the typical town's, fly-tipping at more than 24 times the typical council's, and air with nearly four times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it. Banks are the one thing it's got loads of, 60 of them, and they've still announced 17 closures since 2022. And the place that runs everyone's money can't get superfast broadband to 11.5% of its premises. All those glass towers and somebody's still waiting on a fucking attachment.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
City of London's 100 for air pollution means it's crapper than 100% of towns.
- Air pollution100/10032.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 11.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson100/10039.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping100/100270 incidents per 1,000 people a year, City of London council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions99/10061.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour98/10028.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband88/10017.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.4% across the City of London council area
- Deliberate fires86/100
- Sewage spills62/100450 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene62/1002.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,559 food businesses with a rating
- Rain9/100113 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | City of London | 100 |
| 2 | Westminster | 100 |
| 3 | Camden | 97 |
| 4 | Tower Hamlets | 96 |
| 5 | Lambeth | 95 |
| 6 | Haringey | 92 |
| 7 | Hackney | 92 |
| 8 | Brent | 91 |
| 9 | Hillingdon | 91 |
City of London by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 1,103 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 14.5x the typical town's 76.2
- 38 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 44.3 per 10,000 people, 13x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
What's left on the high street
- 123 pubs, 59 hairdressers, 18 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 60 banks, 7 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (10 of 337) Better: 25% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 17 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 198 per 100,000 people, 58.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 84 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 97.9 per 10,000 people, 61.2x the typical town's 1.6
- 11 public swimming pools open; 6 closed for good since 2010 Better: 12.8 per 10,000 people, 18.3x the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.15am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 11.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 23x the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,547 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
City of London council
- £1,330 Band D council tax (2026-27) Better: £1,062 less than the English average
- 20% of City of London council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 25% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
City of London against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.