Crap Towns / Greater London / Southwark
Southwark
89/100Crap Score
110th crappest of 984 towns, and 13th in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Locals call it the Elephant's Arsehole.
Tourists get Borough Market and the Shard. Locals get the traffic on the Old Kent Road.
Southwark's got the Shard and a market selling cheese at prices that would make you weep. Then there's the Elephant, which they've spent years knocking down and rebuilding, and it still has no elephant and no castle. Peckham's done up now, mostly. East Dulwich is so dull they call it Dull Eastwich. The Old Kent Road is still the Old Kent Road.
The council logged 18,530 fly-tips in a year, six times the typical English council's rate, most of it dumped on the footpaths. The air's got nearly three times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide, the serious crashes come thick and fast, and you'll want both hands on your phone round London Bridge. There are 31 places on the Heritage at Risk register. They'll be flats soon.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Southwark's 99 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Serious road collisions99/1006.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution99/10022.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 9.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping98/10066.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Southwark council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour95/10031.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband60/1009.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 9.7% across the Southwark council area
- Food hygiene57/1002.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 2,798 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires44/100
- Criminal damage and arson40/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills14/10017.8 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain8/100112 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Hillingdon | 91 |
| 10 | Croydon | 91 |
| 11 | Ealing | 90 |
| 12 | Newham | 90 |
| 13 | Southwark | 89 |
| 14 | Hammersmith and Fulham | 89 |
| 15 | Hounslow | 89 |
| 16 | Enfield | 88 |
| 17 | Lewisham | 87 |
Southwark by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 129 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 76.2
- 10,302 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 335 per 10,000 people, 304.5x the typical town's 1.1
- 9 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 196 pubs, 160 hairdressers, 24 charity shops, 33 bookmakers, 12 vape shops, 13 banks, 9 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2.8% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (14 of 494) Better: 30% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 9 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.9 per 100,000 people, 15% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 66 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 31% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 18 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 31 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.10am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 2.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 5.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 88% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,548 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Southwark council
Have a crap-off
Southwark against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.