Crap Towns / Greater London / Enfield
Enfield
88/100Crap Score
119th crappest of 984 towns, and 16th in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Gave us the cashpoint. That's about it.
The famous haunted house is in Enfield. The ghost's the only one who doesn't moan about Church Street.
Enfield had the first cash machine in the world, back in 1967, and it's been dining out on it ever since. The banks have announced 13 branch closures since 2022, so even that's on the way out. The famous poltergeist got bored and packed it in. Edmonton got the North Circular and the fly-tippers. Then the council put cycle lanes down Church Street and started a row that's never really stopped.
The kitchens fail at four times the typical town's rate. The pollution record shows 39 serious incidents in or near the borough since 2016, the latest putting diesel in the water, and 23 of its old places have ended up on the at-risk register. The ombudsman upheld 41 complaints against the council in a single year. The ghost had the right idea.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Enfield's 99 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Food hygiene99/1009.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,879 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution97/10015.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 8.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping90/10022.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Enfield council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Anti-social behaviour86/10023.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions80/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires55/100
- Broadband54/1008.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.8% across the Enfield council area
- Criminal damage and arson35/1006.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain24/100119 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills9/1006.6 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | Newham | 90 |
| 13 | Southwark | 89 |
| 14 | Hammersmith and Fulham | 89 |
| 15 | Hounslow | 89 |
| 16 | Enfield | 88 |
| 17 | Lewisham | 87 |
| 18 | Greenwich | 85 |
| 19 | Islington | 84 |
| 20 | Wandsworth | 84 |
Enfield by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 89.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 17% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 1,273 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 38.6 per 10,000 people, 35.1x the typical town's 1.1
- 39 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 63 pubs, 139 hairdressers, 12 charity shops, 42 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 18 banks, 7 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 15.8% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (38 of 240) Worse: 4x the typical town's 4.0%
- 13 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 3.9 per 100,000 people, 15% higher than the typical town's 3.4
- 45 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 13 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 23 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 1.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 17.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 13% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,601 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Enfield council
Have a crap-off
Enfield against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.