Crap Towns / Greater London / Greenwich
Greenwich
85/100Crap Score
149th crappest of 984 towns, and 18th in Greater London. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Even Arsenal moved out.
Home of Greenwich Mean Time, and the Woolwich ferry's never heard of it.
Greenwich gave the world the clock everyone else runs on, and nothing round here turns up on time. The foot tunnel lift is out, the Woolwich ferry's broken down, and getting from Woolwich to Eltham is a day out. They dug a new tunnel under the river and stuck a toll on it. Arsenal started out in Woolwich and fucked off north the first chance they got.
The tourists get the Cutty Sark and the view from the Observatory. They don't get the air, with more than twice the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it, or the fly-tipping, at more than four times the typical council's rate. 17 of its old places have made the Heritage at Risk register, in a borough that sells itself on old places. Royal Greenwich, it says on the sign.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Greenwich's 98 for air pollution means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Air pollution98/10017.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 9.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Fly-tipping96/10045.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Greenwich council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions84/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour82/10022.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene72/1003.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 1,704 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband63/10010.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.1% across the Greenwich council area
- Criminal damage and arson48/1006.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires46/100
- Sewage spills12/10013.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain3/100108 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 14 | Hammersmith and Fulham | 89 |
| 15 | Hounslow | 89 |
| 16 | Enfield | 88 |
| 17 | Lewisham | 87 |
| 18 | Greenwich | 85 |
| 19 | Islington | 84 |
| 20 | Wandsworth | 84 |
| 21 | Barnet | 83 |
| 22 | Waltham Forest | 82 |
Greenwich by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 94.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 25% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 12,376 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 428 per 10,000 people, 389.1x the typical town's 1.1
- 9 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 81 pubs, 94 hairdressers, 26 charity shops, 30 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 6 banks, 8 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (10 of 206) Worse: 23% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 7 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 2.4 per 100,000 people, 29% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 1 library shut for good since 2010: Ferrier Library (2012)
- 41 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 16 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 17 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.03am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 9.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 37% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,560 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Greenwich council
Have a crap-off
Greenwich against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.