Crap Towns / Cheshire / Haslington
Haslington
18/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 18. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Haslington. Not Crewe. Nearly Crewe.
A nice village right next to Crewe, which it would rather you didn't mention.
Haslington is a quiet village on the edge of Crewe, and it would like that to stay the edge. There's no trouble to speak of. Hardly anyone nicks anything and nobody sets fire to anything. The moans are the queues on Crewe Road, the potholes on Crewe Road, and the new houses going up without any new schools or doctors.
All that farmland round it and not one public park. Sewage comes out of the overflows for four and a half times as long as in the typical town. Lovely, apart from all the Crewe.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Haslington's 87 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 87% of towns.
- Sewage spills87/1001,234 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain70/100144 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband44/1002.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene40/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 12 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions34/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution34/1006.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires3/1000.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour0/1002.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| – | Haslington | 18 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
| 19 | Macclesfield | 12 |
| 20 | Davenham | 12 |
Haslington by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 30.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 7.9 per 10,000 people, 61% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.46pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 61.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,468 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Haslington against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.