Crap Towns / Cheshire / Crewe
Crewe
70/100Crap Score
291st crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Cheshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Stay on the train
Crewe is famous for its station. Mainly for getting a train out of it.
Crewe grew up round the railway, and the station's still the best thing about it, mainly because you can leave from it. The town centre is demolition sites and empty shops, and the regeneration is taking its time. It's the crappest town in Cheshire, which Nantwich will be delighted to hear.
Bike theft runs at three times the typical town's rate, so if you came by bike, you're leaving by train. There are 4 public toilets for a town this size. Most of Crewe tells people it lives in Nantwich. Nantwich tells people it's near Crewe, but nicer. Everyone's lying except Nantwich.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Crewe's 70 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 70% of towns.
- Food hygiene70/1003.5% rated 0 to 2, of the 317 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson69/1008.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband68/1008.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Rain67/100140 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions66/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills59/100389 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour55/10010.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution49/1008.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires44/1005.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Crewe | 70 |
| 2 | Northwich | 69 |
| 3 | Widnes | 63 |
| 4 | Winsford | 52 |
| 5 | Chester | 49 |
| 6 | Ellesmere Port | 49 |
| 7 | Warrington | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.8 | Runcorn | 39 |
| 9 | Middlewich | 39 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Crewe by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 102 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 34% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 75 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 10.1 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 36 pubs, 27 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 7 bookmakers, 5 vape shops, 7 banks, 3 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 53) Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 1.3 per 100,000 people, 62% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 69% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.57pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 17% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,478 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Crewe against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.