Crap Towns / Cambridgeshire / Ely
Ely
24/100Crap Score
744th crappest of 984 towns, and 8th in Cambridgeshire. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Eels. They have a festival. For eels.
Big cathedral, an eel festival and a low bridge that some lorry hits every few weeks.
Ely is a little cathedral city that holds a festival for eels. Its other big attraction is the low railway bridge, which lorries get wedged under so often it's practically a tradition. Then the trains stop and everyone's late.
Come for the cathedral and make it quick. On a Wednesday the last bus is at 7.11pm, and on a Sunday there isn't one. There are 12 public toilets, nearly four times the typical town's share, and the storm overflows spill for nearly twice as long as the typical town's, so it all ends up in the Ouse with the eels. Eels, mate. A festival. For eels.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ely's 65 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 65% of towns.
- Sewage spills65/100505 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour63/10017.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene46/1002.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 132 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband43/1004.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.9% across the East Cambridgeshire council area
- Air pollution42/1005.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson39/1006.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions31/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires14/100
- Fly-tipping13/1005.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Cambridgeshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain4/100110 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Cambridge | 63 |
| 5 | St Ives | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Chatteris | 29 |
| 7 | March | 28 |
| 8 | Ely | 24 |
| 9 | St Neots | 18 |
| 10 | Whittlesey | 17 |
| 11 | Soham | 14 |
| 12 | Cambourne | 1 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ely by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 59.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 22% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 11% higher than the typical town's 0.9
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 15 hairdressers, 10 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 4 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 7.7% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 13) Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 10.4 per 100,000 people, 3.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 12 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.3 per 10,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 2 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 43% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.11pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 65% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,536 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Cambridgeshire council
- £2,485 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £93 more than the English average
- 7% of Cambridgeshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 56% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Ely against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.