Crap Towns / Cambridgeshire / Whittlesey
Whittlesey
17/100Crap Score
Known as Shittlesey.
812th crappest of 984 towns, and 10th in Cambridgeshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Waiting for the King's Dyke bridge
The town's spelt Whittlesey. The station's spelt Whittlesea. Nobody's bothered to fix it.
Whittlesey dresses a bloke up in straw every January and parades him round as the Straw Bear. That's the highlight. The rest of the year it's brick lorries, a King's Dyke crossing that took forever to sort, and a station that can't spell the town's name.
The pollution record shows 19 serious incidents in or near the town since 2016, the latest putting building rubble and metal waste on the land and in the air. That'll be the dust, then. Sunday buses: none. They used to say Whittlesey folk would rather have a drink than a fight. With no way out on a Sunday, it's just as well.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Whittlesey's 58 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 58% of towns.
- Fly-tipping58/10010.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Fenland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution54/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills51/100285 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour38/10013.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson38/1006.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene33/1001.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 74 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband27/1002.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.5% across the Fenland council area
- Deliberate fires17/100
- Serious road collisions13/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain2/100107 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Cambridge | 63 |
| 5 | St Ives | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Chatteris | 29 |
| 7 | March | 28 |
| 8 | Ely | 24 |
| 9 | St Neots | 18 |
| 10 | Whittlesey | 17 |
| 11 | Soham | 14 |
| 12 | Cambourne | 1 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Whittlesey by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 61.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.2 per 10,000 people, 35% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 19 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 56% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.14am last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 50% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,602 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Fenland council
- £2,538 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £146 more than the English average
- 7% of Cambridgeshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 56% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Whittlesey against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.