Crap Towns / Cambridgeshire / March
March
28/100Crap Score
713th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Cambridgeshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The last bus has already gone.
Old railway junction. Prison on the yards. Last bus before the evening's even got going.
March was a big railway junction. Then they shut the yards at Whitemoor and stuck a prison on them. Lovely. The Nene runs through the middle, which is nice. Broad Street got a revamp that dragged on so long it drove the shoppers off, and the charity shops moved into the gaps.
For a junction town it's a bugger to get out of. Midweek there's no bus after 7.20pm and there isn't one on a Sunday. Lloyds have shut 2 branches since 2022 and NatWest 1. There's 1 hairdresser in the whole town. You'll have noticed.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
March's 58 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 58% of towns.
- Fly-tipping58/10010.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Fenland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson52/1007.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband49/1006.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.5% across the Fenland council area
- Anti-social behaviour48/10015.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills46/100232 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires45/100
- Air pollution38/1005.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions37/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene5/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 106 food businesses with a rating
- Rain4/100110 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Peterborough | 70 |
| 4 | Cambridge | 63 |
| 5 | St Ives | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Chatteris | 29 |
| 7 | March | 28 |
| 8 | Ely | 24 |
| 9 | St Neots | 18 |
| 10 | Whittlesey | 17 |
| 11 | Soham | 14 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
March by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 71.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 7% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 6 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 18% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2024
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 7 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 20) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 14.1 per 100,000 people, 4.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.5 per 10,000 people, 29% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.20pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 27.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,525 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Fenland council
- £2,538 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £146 more than the English average
- 7% of Cambridgeshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 56% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
March against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.