Crap Towns / Lincolnshire / Cleethorpes
Cleethorpes
68/100Crap Score
People from here are Meggies.
317th crappest of 984 towns, and 8th in Lincolnshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Where's the bloody sea?
Not Grimsby, they'll tell you. Grimsby Town play here, so that's a bit awkward.
Cleethorpes has a pier, a little railway and a beach where the tide goes out so far you lose sight of it. The Meggies will tell you it's nothing to do with Grimsby, even though Grimsby Town play here. Summer brings the traffic, and serious crashes run well over the typical town's rate.
The vandals keep busy the rest of the year, at twice the typical town's rate, and the seafront itself has made the Heritage at Risk register. NatWest has shut 2 branches and Lloyds 1. It's dry, to be fair. Down beach gets well under the typical town's rain. The tide's still out, mind.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cleethorpes's 95 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 95% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson95/10013.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions91/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires79/10012.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping65/10013.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, North East Lincolnshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution63/1007.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour59/10011.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene35/1001.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 259 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills27/10079.4 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain19/100117 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband10/1001.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.8% across the North East Lincolnshire council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Lincoln | 81 |
| 5 | Skegness | 80 |
| 6 | Scunthorpe | 73 |
| 7 | Louth | 69 |
| 8 | Cleethorpes | 68 |
| 9 | Spalding | 64 |
| 10 | Grantham | 53 |
| 11 | Stamford | 46 |
| 12 | Sleaford | 45 |
Cleethorpes by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 133 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.3 per 10,000 people, 67% lower than the typical town's 0.9
- 0 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 18 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 9 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 2 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (4 of 48) Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 10.1 per 100,000 people, 3x the typical town's 3.4
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.4 per 10,000 people, 2.8x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.52pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 32.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.1x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,617 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
North East Lincolnshire council
- £2,484 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £92 more than the English average
- 22% of North East Lincolnshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 38% higher than England's 16%
- 10 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cleethorpes against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.