Crap Towns / Essex / Berechurch
Berechurch
25/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 25. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Behave, or it's the Glasshouse.
Woods, army ranges and the Glasshouse. Quiet. Grim. Quiet and grim.
Berechurch is the bit of Colchester with the army's prison in it. The Glasshouse. Round that it's Friday Woods and training land with soldiers running about shouting. It used to be a prisoner-of-war camp as well, so it's been keeping people in for a while.
There's not a single public park on the map, but the woods are right there, and some dickhead keeps setting fire to them. Deliberate fires run above the typical town's rate, mostly grass and woodland. Crime's about average, which with a nick full of squaddies down the road is either reassuring or worrying.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Berechurch's 69 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 69% of towns.
- Fly-tipping69/10015.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Colchester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Broadband65/1006.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.8% across the Colchester council area
- Deliberate fires58/1006.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution50/1007.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson46/1006.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour42/1009.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene40/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 12 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions16/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain3/100108 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | Buckhurst Hill | 37 |
| 18 | Thundersley and South Benfleet | 32 |
| 19 | Billericay | 29 |
| 20 | Witham | 28 |
| – | Berechurch | 25 |
| 21 | Harwich | 23 |
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
| 24 | Stanford-le-Hope | 17 |
Berechurch by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 75.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 2 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 87% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 3 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.57pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,699 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 11% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Colchester council
- £2,283 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £109 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Berechurch against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.