Crap Towns / Buckinghamshire / Aston Clinton
Aston Clinton
1/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 1. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Aston Clinton. Get off the pavement.
It gave its name to a posh sports car. Now it's Range Rovers racing to school.
Aston Clinton is where the Aston in Aston Martin comes from, after the hill climb up the road. These days the racing happens at ten to nine, when parents in massive cars tear through the village and dump them on both pavements outside the school. They built a bypass to sort the traffic out. Nobody uses the bloody thing.
Otherwise it's spotless. Crime's under half the typical town's and next to nobody shoplifts. There are play spaces on every corner and the public pool's shut for good, so the kids can go on the swings and like it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Aston Clinton's 50 for broadband means it's crapper than 50% of towns.
- Broadband50/1003.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.0% across the Buckinghamshire council area
- Rain45/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires42/1005.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution37/1006.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene35/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 20 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping27/1007.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Buckinghamshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions5/1000.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour3/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Newport Pagnell | 19 |
| 7 | Flackwell Heath and Wooburn Green | 13 |
| 8 | Aylesbury | 10 |
| 9 | Buckingham | 8 |
| 10 | Marlow | 6 |
| 11 | Chalfont St Peter | 5 |
| 12 | Beaconsfield | 3 |
| 13 | Hazlemere | 2 |
| – | Aston Clinton | 1 |
Aston Clinton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 36.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 53% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 127 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 230 per 10,000 people, 67.6x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 13% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.48pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 18.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 19% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,546 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Buckinghamshire council
Have a crap-off
Aston Clinton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.