Crap Towns / Wiltshire / Amesbury
Amesbury
20/100Crap Score
787th crappest of 984 towns, and 11th in Wiltshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
You'll see the stones from the queue.
Oldest town in Britain, they say. The A303 has been jammed for most of it.
Amesbury says it's the oldest settlement in Britain and it's got Stonehenge in the parish. Great. Now sit on the A303 all afternoon looking at it. They promised a tunnel and binned it. The lorry park at Solstice Park has turned the verges into a toilet. All that time and they still can't sort a road.
The mad thing is Wiltshire's roads are in better nick than most councils' are. It's not the tarmac, it's the queue. There's no public swimming pool, nearly three times the typical town's Greggs per head, and some idiot keeps setting fire to the grass. Six thousand years of civilisation, that.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Amesbury's 81 for broadband means it's crapper than 81% of towns.
- Broadband81/1009.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 23.1% across the Wiltshire council area
- Deliberate fires62/1007.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour53/10015.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene44/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 49 food businesses with a rating
- Rain34/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions30/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson30/1005.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping21/1005.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wiltshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution20/1005.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills10/1007.8 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Warminster | 30 |
| 7 | Chippenham | 29 |
| 8 | Calne | 24 |
| 9 | Westbury | 24 |
| 10 | Stratton St Margaret | 22 |
| 11 | Amesbury | 20 |
| 12 | Royal Wootton Bassett | 16 |
| 13 | Tidworth | 11 |
| 14 | Corsham | 5 |
Amesbury by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 59.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 23% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 0.7
What's left on the high street
- 5 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.2 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.05am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 29.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,624 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Wiltshire council
Have a crap-off
Amesbury against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.