Crap Towns / Derbyshire / Alfreton
Alfreton
54/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 54. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Up a bastard hill for a Greggs
King Street's a bastard of a hill, and there's nothing worth having when you get up it.
Alfreton used to make rope, iron and coal. Now it makes empty shops. You drag yourself up King Street for vape shops, bookies, charity shops and Greggs, and the boarded-up bits in between get smashed in for good measure. The Reds give people a reason to come in on a Saturday. Nothing else bloody does.
The banks have seen enough. Barclays, Lloyds and NatWest have all announced they're off since 2022, which per head is ten times the typical town. What's left is 18 hairdressers and 3 vape shops, so at least you'll look sharp and smell of bubblegum in the queue for the last bank standing.
The storm overflows nearby go off for six times the typical town's hours. King Street on a Friday night isn't a lot cleaner.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Alfreton's 91 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Sewage spills91/1001,665 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson82/10010.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution74/1009.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour71/10018.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain63/100136 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband52/1007.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.8% across the Amber Valley council area
- Serious road collisions46/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires34/1004.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene33/1001.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 124 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping0/1001.8 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Amber Valley council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | Heanor | 64 |
| 5 | Shirebrook | 62 |
| 6 | Staveley | 61 |
| 7 | Matlock | 59 |
| – | Alfreton | 54 |
| 8 | South Normanton and Pinxton | 50 |
| 9 | Ripley | 47 |
| 10 | Somercotes and Swanwick | 47 |
| 11 | Ilkeston | 43 |
Alfreton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 118 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.5x the typical town's 76.2
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 5.7 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 18 hairdressers, 6 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 15) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 34.1 per 100,000 people, 10x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.7 per 10,000 people, 3.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 2.3 per 10,000 people, 3.3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.24am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 11.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 26% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,480 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Amber Valley council
- £2,408 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £16 more than the English average
- 15% of Derbyshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Alfreton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.