Crap Towns / Staffordshire / Uttoxeter
Uttoxeter
16/100Crap Score
824th crappest of 984 towns, and 11th in Staffordshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Say it Utcheter.
Uttoxeter has a racecourse and gave us malted milk biscuits. The town centre's had better days.
Say it Utcheter, or they'll know you're not from round here. It's got the racecourse and the Midlands Grand National, and it gave the world the malted milk biscuit, the one with the cows on. That's the CV. The town centre is the Maltings and Trinity Square full of empty units, and a regeneration plan that gets announced, shelved and announced again.
The last bus out on a weekday goes at 7.22pm. On a Sunday there are 5 departures all day, so if you came for the racing you're stopping for the racing. Lloyds and NatWest have both announced they're off. Greggs isn't going anywhere: per head there's nearly five times the typical town's Greggs, and four times its public toilets. Somebody's done the maths on that.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Uttoxeter's 62 for rain means it's crapper than 62% of towns.
- Rain62/100135 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband60/1005.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.5% across the East Staffordshire council area
- Serious road collisions51/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills43/100212 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping41/1009.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, East Staffordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution24/1005.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour18/1009.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires17/1003.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson15/1004.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Food hygiene12/1000.8% rated 0 to 2, of the 131 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 7 | Great Wyrley and Cheslyn Hay | 25 |
| 8 | Biddulph | 24 |
| 9 | Stafford | 22 |
| 10 | Wombourne | 17 |
| 11 | Uttoxeter | 16 |
| 12 | Tamworth | 15 |
| 13 | Cheadle | 14 |
| 14 | Stone | 13 |
| 15 | Lichfield | 10 |
Uttoxeter by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 62.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 18% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 59% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
What's left on the high street
- 12 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 4 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 16) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 14.3 per 100,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.4 per 10,000 people, 4x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open About the same: 0.7 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.22pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 81% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,467 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Staffordshire council
- £2,351 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £41 less than the English average
- 10% of Staffordshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Uttoxeter against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.