Crap Towns / Essex / Tiptree
Tiptree
14/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 14. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Tiptree? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Don't call it a town.
World-famous jam and a lot of people insisting it's not a town.
Tiptree makes jam that goes all over the world, and it's annoyingly decent otherwise. Locals voted against being called a town, so it's a very big village. It used to be called the land of heath and thief. Not any more, sadly.
What it can't do is the internet. Only 45.6% of premises can get gigabit, about half the typical town's. The jam gets round the world quicker than an email gets out of Tiptree. The last bus goes at 8.26pm, too. Very big village, that.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Tiptree's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10054.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.8% across the Colchester council area
- Fly-tipping69/10015.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Colchester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills58/100387 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution48/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene29/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 31 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions15/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson11/1004.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires7/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain2/100108 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour1/1003.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 22 | Rochford | 22 |
| 23 | Braintree | 21 |
| 24 | Stanford-le-Hope | 17 |
| 25 | Brentwood | 17 |
| – | Tiptree | 14 |
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
Tiptree by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 45.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 68% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 2 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 10.8 per 100,000 people, 3.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.2 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.26pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 12% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,704 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 11% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Colchester council
- £2,283 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £109 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Tiptree against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.