Crap Towns / Cornwall / St Ives
St Ives
39/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 39. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Gorgeous. Rammed.
Beautiful beaches, a posh art gallery, and a gull taking the pasty out of your hand.
St Ives is gorgeous, and in August the whole country's there to tell you so. The gulls take food out of your hand, the streets are rammed and you can't park anywhere. Loads of the houses are holiday lets. It's got more anti-social behaviour and vandalism than somewhere this pretty should.
There are over ten times the typical town's public bogs per head, which tells you how many people are in it in August. Gigabit gets to 49.7% of premises, which for a town full of laptops on the harbour wall is a bit of a joke. Locals call it Snives. Fair.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
St Ives's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10050.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Criminal damage and arson85/10010.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour80/10021.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain80/100157 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions55/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires34/1004.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills14/10019.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene4/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 123 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution3/1002.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | St Ives | 39 |
| 9 | Saltash | 38 |
| 10 | Redruth | 33 |
| 11 | Helston | 25 |
| 12 | Penryn | 24 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
St Ives by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 79.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 4 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 7.4 per 10,000 people, 64% lower than the typical town's 20.4
- 4 of 4 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 9 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 18.5 per 100,000 people, 5.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 16.6 per 10,000 people, 10.4x the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open Better: 7.4 per 10,000 people, 10.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.15pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 4.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 9.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 12% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,737 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 13% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
St Ives against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.