Crap Towns / Cornwall / Newquay
Newquay
51/100Crap Score
480th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Cornwall. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Newquay? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Newquay. Surf, then sick.
Great surf on Fistral. Then a stag do in fancy dress puking in the harbour.
Newquay's got Fistral and some of the best surf in the country. It's also got stag and hen dos, lads racing loud cars round town all night and drivers ignoring the pedestrian zone. The shops are empty and the rents are a piss-take.
6.2% of homes and businesses are stuck without superfast, over 12 times the typical town's share, so plenty of holiday lets are lying about the wifi. There are over three times the typical town's public bogs per head, which on a stag weekend still isn't enough. Someone calls it Pooquay. Can't argue.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newquay's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10040.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Criminal damage and arson77/1009.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain77/100152 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene76/1004.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 278 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour67/10017.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions42/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills33/100114 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires33/1004.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution5/1003.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Penzance | 71 |
| 3 | Bodmin | 60 |
| 4 | Liskeard | 58 |
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Saltash | 38 |
| 10 | Redruth | 33 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Newquay by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 90.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 18% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 53% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 8 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
- 7 of 9 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 14 pubs, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3.5% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 29) Better: 13% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 8.1 per 100,000 people, 2.4x the typical town's 3.4
- 13 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.3 per 10,000 people, 3.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open Better: 1.6 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.17am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 6.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 12.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 5.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 68% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,727 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 13% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
Newquay against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.