Crap Towns / Cornwall / Penzance
Penzance
71/100Crap Score
288th crappest of 984 towns, and 2nd in Cornwall. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Penzance? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Last stop. Get off.
The trains stop here because there's nowhere left to go.
Penzance is where the railway runs out, and it feels like it. Nice art deco pool, nice festival, then streets of tatty buildings, crap shops and vape shops. The vandals are busy, with criminal damage at nearly twice the typical town's rate.
8.6% of homes and businesses are stuck without superfast, over 17 times the typical town's share, so you're cut off online as well. It's wet on 162 days a year and even the Market Building's on the Heritage at Risk list. Locals call it Men's Pants. The boat to the Scillies leaves from the harbour. Take it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Penzance's 94 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 94% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson94/10013.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour93/10028.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband92/10014.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Rain86/100162 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires77/10011.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills53/100313 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions51/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene48/1002.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 170 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution5/1003.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Truro | 76 |
| 2 | Penzance | 71 |
| 3 | Bodmin | 60 |
| 4 | Liskeard | 58 |
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Saltash | 38 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Penzance by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 102 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 34% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 79% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 of 3 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 3 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.3% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (1 of 19) Worse: 33% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 13.4 per 100,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.3 per 10,000 people, 3.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 2.9x the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.35pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 8.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 17.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 33% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,718 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 12% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
Penzance against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.