Crap Towns / Cornwall / Falmouth
Falmouth
46/100Crap Score
528th crappest of 984 towns, and 7th in Cornwall. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Falmouth? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Nice harbour, shitty sea.
Lovely harbour, lovely castle and a sea full of sewage.
Falmouth calls itself Falifornia, which takes some front when the rain turns up on 158 days a year. The harbour's lovely, the castle's lovely, and the storm drains chuck out sewage for five times as long as the typical town's. Locals call it Foulmouth. Hard to argue.
Holiday lets and student lets have eaten the houses. The banks have announced 6 branch closures, the pools keep shutting, and 7.6% of homes and businesses are stuck without superfast, over 15 times the typical town's share. For a university town that's taking the piss. Fucking California.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Falmouth's 96 for broadband means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Broadband96/10020.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 34.0% across the Cornwall council area
- Sewage spills88/1001,385 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain82/100158 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires66/1008.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson60/1007.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour57/10016.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions46/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping16/1005.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cornwall council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution9/1004.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene0/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 201 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Bodmin | 60 |
| 4 | Liskeard | 58 |
| 5 | St Austell | 54 |
| 6 | Newquay | 51 |
| 7 | Falmouth | 46 |
| 8 | Camborne | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.9 | Saltash | 38 |
| 10 | Redruth | 33 |
| 11 | Helston | 25 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Falmouth by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 63.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 17% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 76% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 8 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
- 3 of 3 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 19 pubs, 19 hairdressers, 11 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 15) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 6 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 24.9 per 100,000 people, 7.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.5 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open; 4 closed for good since 2010 Better: 1.2 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.20am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 7.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 15.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 15.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,632 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Cornwall council
Have a crap-off
Falmouth against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.