Crap Towns / Essex / Purfleet-on-Thames
Purfleet-on-Thames
62/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 62. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Purfleet-on-Thames? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Dracula's moved out. Wise man.
It added on-Thames to its name. It's still waiting for a town centre to go with it.
Purfleet's where Dracula bought a house in the book, and nothing's happened since. It added on-Thames to the name, which was easier than building a town centre. Regeneration keeps getting promised and keeps not happening. It's got the old royal gunpowder magazines and 2 pubs, and that's your lot.
The air's got nearly twice the typical town's nitrogen dioxide in it, and the deliberate fires run at twice the typical town's rate, mostly bins. Gigabit gets to 71% of premises. There's a nature reserve on the marshes, if you're into marshes.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Purfleet-on-Thames's 96 for air pollution means it's crapper than 96% of towns.
- Air pollution96/10014.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 8.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband93/10029.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.2% across the Thurrock council area
- Criminal damage and arson78/1009.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires75/10011.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping74/10015.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Thurrock council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills63/100469 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene42/100
- Anti-social behaviour31/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions30/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain1/100106 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Waltham Abbey | 69 |
| 4 | Clacton-on-Sea | 68 |
| 5 | Chafford Hundred and West Thurrock | 64 |
| 6 | Chadwell St Mary | 62 |
| – | Purfleet-on-Thames | 62 |
| 7 | Southend-on-Sea | 55 |
| 8 | Colchester | 55 |
| 9 | Wickford | 52 |
| 10 | Canvey Island | 51 |
Purfleet-on-Thames by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 85.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 12% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical town's 0.9
- 3 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.26pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 16.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,637 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 7% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Thurrock council
Have a crap-off
Purfleet-on-Thames against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.