Crap Towns / Hampshire / New Milton
New Milton
32/100Crap Score
668th crappest of 984 towns, and 6th in Hampshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
New Milton. Named after a sign.
Next to the New Forest and the sea. The high street is vapes, bookies and Greggs.
New Milton got its name off a post office sign and has done nothing exciting since. It sits between the New Forest and the sea, with a mock-Tudor water tower, tatty shopfronts and signs blocking the pavement. The street market's dwindling and the kitchens are dodgier than most.
The high street is hairdressers, charity shops, and vape shops at over eight times the typical town's rate per head. Halifax, HSBC, Lloyds and Santander have all shut a branch, nearly ten times the typical town's rate. The last bus home is at 7.40pm. The sea's rated Excellent. Go and look at that instead.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
New Milton's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10032.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 22.6% across the New Forest council area
- Serious road collisions79/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene78/1005.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 97 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson66/1008.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain35/100122 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping30/1006.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, New Forest council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution20/1006.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires13/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour6/1007.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills5/1000.2 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | Havant | 45 |
| 3 | Portsmouth | 44 |
| 4 | Ringwood | 41 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.5 | Basingstoke | 38 |
| 6 | New Milton | 32 |
| 7 | Eastleigh | 29 |
| 8 | Gosport | 28 |
| 9 | Totton | 28 |
| 10 | Petersfield | 26 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
New Milton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 82.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 8% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 72 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 60.7 per 10,000 people, 17.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
- 2 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 18 hairdressers, 9 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 18) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 33.7 per 100,000 people, 9.9x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.40pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 30.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,815 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 18% higher than the typical town's 1,532
New Forest council
- £2,420 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £28 more than the English average
- 8% of Hampshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
New Milton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.