Crap Towns / Cumbria / Maryport
Maryport
49/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 49. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Maryport? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Maryport. Bring your own underwear.
You have to leave town to buy a pair of pants. Locals say so themselves.
Maryport's got a harbour, a cast-iron lighthouse, a Roman fort and a view over the Solway to Scotland, when you can see through the rain. What it hasn't got is a shop that sells underwear. Locals go to Workington for their pants, and if you've seen Workington you'll know how bad that is.
Senhouse Street is empty units, peeling shopfronts, bookies and charity shops, with more bookies and more pubs per head than most towns. The evening buses are thin on the ground, and the local firebugs are setting fire to things at more than twice the typical town's rate.
It chucks it down on 161 days a year, nearly 1,100 mm of it, and the wind brings it in off the Solway. The public pool has shut, so the only way to get wet in Maryport now is to step outside.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Maryport's 87 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 87% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson87/10011.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain85/100161 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires79/10013.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills73/100670 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband65/1008.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.2% across the Cumberland council area
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cumberland council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions40/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene23/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 44 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour14/1006.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution0/1002.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Whitehaven | 75 |
| 2 | Workington | 75 |
| 3 | Barrow-in-Furness | 65 |
| 4 | Carlisle | 62 |
| – | Maryport | 49 |
| 5 | Ulverston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Penrith | 25 |
| 7 | Kendal | 20 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Maryport by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 98.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 30% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.3 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 0.9
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2017
What's left on the high street
- 11 pubs, 11 hairdressers, 4 charity shops, 2 bookmakers, 2 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.7 per 10,000 people, 2.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.26am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 26% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,523 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cumberland council
Have a crap-off
Maryport against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.