Crap Towns / Cumbria / Ulverston
Ulverston
40/100Crap Score
588th crappest of 984 towns, and 5th in Cumbria. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Ulverston? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Another bloody festival
A fake lighthouse on a hill, cobbled streets, and a festival every other week.
Ulverston calls itself Festival Town, and there's a festival most weeks, and the town will tell you about every one of them. You get rain on 168 days a year, over 1,200 mm of it, so most of them happen under a brolly. Up on Hoad Hill there's a monument built like a lighthouse, miles from any boat that might need it, and the town is very proud of it.
Down in the cobbled streets it's pubs, hairdressers and Greggs, and nine times the typical town's vape shops per head. There's no public park. There's dog muck on the paths instead.
Barrow reckons Ulverston thinks it's posh. Barrow's not wrong, but Barrow's in no position.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ulverston's 91 for rain means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Rain91/100168 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions76/1003.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson71/1008.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband64/1006.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.2% across the Westmorland and Furness council area
- Food hygiene45/1002.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 90 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping34/1008.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Westmorland and Furness council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills31/100102 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires30/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour19/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution4/1003.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Whitehaven | 75 |
| 2 | Workington | 75 |
| 3 | Barrow-in-Furness | 65 |
| 4 | Carlisle | 62 |
| 5 | Ulverston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Penrith | 25 |
| 7 | Kendal | 20 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ulverston by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 69.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 9% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 23 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 20.5 per 10,000 people, 6x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 14 pubs, 14 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 3 vape shops, 3 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 11) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 8.9 per 100,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.8 per 10,000 people, 13% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.09am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 23.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 50% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,511 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Westmorland and Furness council
- £2,508 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £116 more than the English average
- 26% of Westmorland and Furness council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x England's 16%
- 8 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Ulverston against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.