Crap Towns / Cumbria / Carlisle
Carlisle
62/100Crap Score
371st crappest of 984 towns, and 4th in Cumbria. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Carlisle. Big castle, empty shops.
The castle held off the Scots for centuries. The city centre couldn't hold off the To Let signs.
Carlisle calls itself the Great Border City. It's got a castle that held off the Scots for centuries and a cathedral, and it's got Botchergate, where the fighting on a Saturday night carries on the tradition. Violence runs well above the typical town's rate and so does the public order. The government ran the pubs here for over fifty years and never managed to make a night out on Botchergate go quietly either.
By day the city centre is To Let signs and empty units, and the seagulls will have the chips out of your hand. Anyone after a decent job gets the train south. It's wet on 147 days a year, which is dry, for Cumbria. Brunton Park does the misery on a Saturday afternoon, and Botchergate takes over after.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Carlisle's 90 for criminal damage and arson means it's crapper than 90% of towns.
- Criminal damage and arson90/10011.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain72/100147 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires67/1008.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cumberland council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions63/1002.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Broadband52/1005.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.2% across the Cumberland council area
- Anti-social behaviour50/10010.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills43/100207 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene36/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 545 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution7/1004.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Whitehaven | 75 |
| 2 | Workington | 75 |
| 3 | Barrow-in-Furness | 65 |
| 4 | Carlisle | 62 |
| 5 | Ulverston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Penrith | 25 |
| 7 | Kendal | 20 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Carlisle by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 113 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 48% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 23 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 3.0 per 10,000 people, 3.3x the typical town's 0.9
- 6 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 40 pubs, 36 hairdressers, 14 charity shops, 11 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 17 banks, 6 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (5 of 85) Worse: 48% higher than the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 1.3 per 100,000 people, 62% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 2 libraries shut for good since 2010: Petteril Bank House Library Link (2017) and Upperby (2018)
- 29 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.7 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 1.6
- 6 public swimming pools open; 6 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.36am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 21% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,385 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 10% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cumberland council
Have a crap-off
Carlisle against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.