Crap Towns / Lincolnshire / Kirton
Kirton
69/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 69. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Flat and fly-tipped.
A posh town hall porch and other people's crap all over the fens.
Kirton used to be a market town and still has a town hall with a fancy crown on the porch. That's the posh bit, done. Round it there's a bookie, not much of a pub crawl and a lot of sky. It's the fens.
Then there's other people's crap. Boston council's fly-tipping runs at 5.7 times the typical English council's rate, most of it dumped on the footpaths and bridleways, and the sewers spill more than a place this size deserves. On a Sunday 12 buses leave all day. After 7pm on a Wednesday, 2. Flat, fly-tipped and going nowhere.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Kirton's 98 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Fly-tipping98/10063.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Boston council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Sewage spills89/1001,480 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Serious road collisions75/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene57/1004.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 25 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband49/1002.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 20.0% across the Boston council area
- Criminal damage and arson42/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution32/1005.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour32/10012.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires25/1003.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Rain6/100111 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Gainsborough | 87 |
| 4 | Lincoln | 81 |
| 5 | Skegness | 80 |
| 6 | Scunthorpe | 73 |
| – | Kirton | 69 |
| 7 | Louth | 69 |
| 8 | Cleethorpes | 68 |
| 9 | Spalding | 64 |
| 10 | Grantham | 53 |
Kirton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 59.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 21% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 89 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 160 per 10,000 people, 47.1x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 3 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.52pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 47% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,580 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Boston council
- £2,309 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £83 less than the English average
- 21% of Lincolnshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 31% higher than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Kirton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.