Crap Towns / Cheshire / Hartford
Hartford
9/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 9. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Hartford. Posh end of Northwich.
Built for the chemical bosses, upwind of the smell. Still smug about it.
Hartford is where the chemical works managers built their houses, upwind of the factories, and it's been smug about it ever since. Nothing goes wrong here. Nobody sets fires, nobody smashes anything, and it has more than three times the typical town's parks per head.
The only moans are the school run on Chester Road, commuters parking all over the streets by the station, and Firdale, which can't get a bus for love nor money. The last one out on a Wednesday leaves at 7.28pm.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Hartford's 72 for rain means it's crapper than 72% of towns.
- Rain72/100148 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills69/100581 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene54/1003.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 31 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband41/1004.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 11.7% across the Cheshire West and Chester council area
- Fly-tipping34/1008.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire West and Chester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution23/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour8/1005.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions6/1000.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires0/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson0/1002.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
| 19 | Macclesfield | 12 |
| 20 | Davenham | 12 |
| – | Hartford | 9 |
Hartford by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 3.0 per 10,000 people, 85% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 2 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 6% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.28pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 22% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,465 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire West and Chester council
- £2,517 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £125 more than the English average
- 6% of Cheshire West and Chester council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 63% lower than England's 16%
- 16 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Hartford against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.