Crap Towns / Essex / Great Wakering
Great Wakering
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
No crime. We checked twice.
Great Wakering is a quiet Essex village with no crime to speak of. Very annoying.
Great Wakering used to make bricks, and now the developers are using them, on the fields. The village is quiet, the roads are safe and the sea off Shoebury is rated Excellent, so there's bugger all for us.
There's rain on 101 days a year and the sun's out for 1,810 hours, which is a lot of nice weather to watch the new estates go up in. On a Wednesday the last bus is at 8.57pm. There's no park on the map, the church is on the Heritage at Risk register, and the big moan is potholes on North Street. Must be awful.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Great Wakering's 72 for broadband means it's crapper than 72% of towns.
- Broadband72/10012.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 10.1% across the Rochford council area
- Air pollution58/1008.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene55/1003.6% rated 0 to 2, of the 28 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping24/1007.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rochford council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires16/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson16/1004.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions14/1001.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour6/1004.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills5/1000.5 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain0/100101 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| – | Great Wakering | 2 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
Great Wakering by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 50.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 34% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 0.9
- Excellent Shoebury East's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.5 per 10,000 people, 6% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.57pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 46% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,810 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 18% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Rochford council
- £2,363 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Great Wakering against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.