Crap Towns / Cambridgeshire / Great Shelford and Stapleford
Great Shelford and Stapleford
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Great Shelford. Too posh to fail.
The cycle path to Cambridge is painted like DNA. The school run's parked on the zigzags.
Great Shelford is Cambridge's posh back garden, and the cycle path into town is painted like a strand of DNA, because of course it bloody is. Crime is basically non-existent. The big issues are Church Street jammed solid and parents in Volvos parking on the school zigzags.
For all that money there's no park. Not one on the map across both villages, and 61.8% of people live more than a short walk from anywhere with a swing. There's an Iron Age hillfort up the road at Wandlebury instead. Very educational. Nowhere to kick a ball.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Great Shelford and Stapleford's 45 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 45% of towns.
- Serious road collisions45/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills43/100205 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution40/1006.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband37/1002.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.2% across the South Cambridgeshire council area
- Food hygiene32/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 26 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping17/1005.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, South Cambridgeshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires16/100
- Rain3/100108 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson3/1003.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour2/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | St Ives | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Chatteris | 29 |
| 7 | March | 28 |
| 8 | Ely | 24 |
| 9 | St Neots | 18 |
| 10 | Whittlesey | 17 |
| 11 | Soham | 14 |
| – | Great Shelford and Stapleford | 2 |
| 12 | Cambourne | 1 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Great Shelford and Stapleford by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 23.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 69% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 3.2 per 10,000 people, 6% lower than the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) About the same: 1.6 per 10,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.48pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 61.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 4x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,546 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
South Cambridgeshire council
- £2,536 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £144 more than the English average
- 7% of Cambridgeshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 56% lower than England's 16%
- 1 ombudsman complaint upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Great Shelford and Stapleford against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.