Crap TownsBritain's towns, rated by the people stuck in them

Crap Towns / Lancashire / Garstang

Welcome to

Garstang

First Fairtrade town. The takeaways could do better.
Twinned with a Fairtrade teabag

71/100Crap Score

Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 71. Higher scores are crapper.

How the score works

Have your say

Crap Town of the Year 2026/27

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The public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.

Letters from the locals

Got something to say about Garstang? Write in.

First to go Fairtrade, last to shut up

Your coffee's ethical. The sewage in the Wyre isn't.

Garstang was the first Fairtrade town in the world, and it's never let anyone forget it. It's very particular about where its coffee comes from. It's less fussy about dinner. Of the 11 takeaways with a rating, 2 score 0 to 2 for hygiene, and food businesses overall are more than three times as likely to as the typical town's.

For a small market town it's got 12 hairdressers, 6 charity shops and eleven times the typical town's vape shops per head. The storm overflows put four and a half times the typical town's spill hours into the Wyre, serious crashes run at nearly twice the typical town's rate and a quarter of premises can't get gigabit broadband. The rain turns up on 163 days a year, so the Thursday market is mostly anoraks, and that's about as lively as it gets.

The editor, whose coffee went cold

What the score is made of

Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.

Garstang's 90 for broadband means it's crapper than 90% of towns.

  • Broadband90/10024.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.6% across the Wyre council area
  • Serious road collisions89/1004.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
  • Sewage spills87/1001,234 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
  • Food hygiene86/1008.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 61 food businesses with a rating
  • Rain86/100163 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
  • Anti-social behaviour59/10016.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Fly-tipping29/1007.4 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Wyre council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
  • Deliberate fires12/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
  • Air pollution10/1004.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
  • Criminal damage and arson3/1003.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
Your patch: LancashireTowns in the same county. Top of the table is crappest.
PosTownNationalScore
20Fulwood176th82
21Chorley191st81
22Clitheroe227th77
23Bamber Bridge274th72
–Garstang–71
24Leyland306th69
25Cleveleys351st64
26Heysham361st63
27Barnoldswick363rd63

Garstang by numbers

Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Crime, muck and dodgy water

What's left on the high street

Getting about, getting online, getting rained on

Wyre council

Have a crap-off

Garstang against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.

GarstangCrap Score 71
v
FulwoodCrap Score 82

Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.