Crap Towns / Cumbria / Egremont
Egremont
67/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 67. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Egremont? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
They call it Excrement.
Home of the World Gurning Championships. Have a look at the High Street and you'll see why.
Egremont holds the World Gurning Championships at the Crab Fair every September, where grown adults pull faces through a horse collar for a trophy. Walk down Main Street and you'll pull one for nothing. Long-empty shops, tatty fronts, two bookies and ten pubs, which per head is well over three times the typical town's. Locals call the place Excrement. Locals also call it the Mont, but nobody outside does.
It's wet on 172 days a year, which makes it wetter than Cleator Moor, and that takes some doing. More than half the premises can't get gigabit broadband, so you can't even stay in and stream something while it buckets down. There's no public park either. There's the castle ruins, and the pub.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Egremont's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10054.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 15.2% across the Cumberland council area
- Rain93/100172 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson87/10010.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills85/1001,118 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires64/1008.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping63/10012.6 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cumberland council area, 2023-24 to 2024-25
- Food hygiene46/1002.1% rated 0 to 2, of the 47 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour39/1009.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions30/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution0/1002.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Whitehaven | 75 |
| 2 | Workington | 75 |
| – | Egremont | 67 |
| 3 | Barrow-in-Furness | 65 |
| 4 | Carlisle | 62 |
| 5 | Ulverston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.6 | Penrith | 25 |
| 7 | Kendal | 20 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Egremont by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 86.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 14% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 7 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 12.1 per 10,000 people, 3.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2023
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop, 2 bookmakers, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 10) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.58pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,443 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 6% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cumberland council
Have a crap-off
Egremont against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.