Crap Towns / Derbyshire / Clowne
Clowne
36/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 36. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Clowne. Spelt like that. Honestly.
Pit's gone. The council moved in. Now they want to stick a Garden Village on it.
Clowne used to be spelt Clown, and Bolsover council put its offices here, which is a gift to anyone writing a page like this. The pit shut, and now there's a Garden Village planned: a lot of new houses, in a district that already has well over England's share of homes standing empty.
Calling it a Garden Village is cheeky when more than a quarter of Clowne already lives a fair walk from a park. It's got 2 swimming pools, mind, which for a place this size is showing off. Markland Grips is a nice gorge to hide in while they argue about it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Clowne's 72 for fly-tipping means it's crapper than 72% of towns.
- Fly-tipping72/10015.7 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Bolsover council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution59/1008.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions49/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene47/1002.2% rated 0 to 2, of the 45 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson47/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain42/100124 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills38/100152 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour25/10011.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband19/1002.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.7% across the Bolsover council area
- Deliberate fires11/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 9 | Ripley | 47 |
| 10 | Somercotes and Swanwick | 47 |
| 11 | Ilkeston | 43 |
| 12 | Buxton | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Clowne | 36 |
| 13 | Hadfield | 36 |
| 14 | Long Eaton | 33 |
| 15 | Brimington | 22 |
| 16 | Glossop | 16 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Clowne by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 77.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 76.2
- 1 reports of litter and bins on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.3 per 10,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 0.9
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2020
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 13) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 2.6 per 10,000 people, 3.7x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.06am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 27.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,524 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Bolsover council
Have a crap-off
Clowne against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.