Crap Towns / Derbyshire / Long Eaton
Long Eaton
33/100Crap Score
Locals call it Bong Eaton.
661st crappest of 984 towns, and 14th in Derbyshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Long Eaton. Not Nottingham. Not Derby.
Long Eaton can't decide if it's Derby or Nottingham. The high street can't decide if it's open.
Long Eaton made furniture and lace, and it's in Derbyshire with a Nottingham postcode, which starts fights. Locals call it Bong Eaton. The shops are closing, the centre's dead after teatime, and the town centre has now made the at-risk register, which is one way of getting noticed.
What's left is hairdressers and vape shops, with vape shops at 3.7 times the typical town's rate per head. Halifax, HSBC and NatWest have all announced closures. The air is over the World Health Organization's guidelines on both counts. It's not bad enough to be famous for it. It's just a bit grim.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Long Eaton's 83 for air pollution means it's crapper than 83% of towns.
- Air pollution83/10011.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions72/1003.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills63/100460 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Deliberate fires54/1006.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour47/10015.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson42/1006.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain36/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene23/1001.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 213 food businesses with a rating
- Broadband9/1002.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 3.9% across the Erewash council area
- Fly-tipping1/1002.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Erewash council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | Somercotes and Swanwick | 47 |
| 11 | Ilkeston | 43 |
| 12 | Buxton | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.13 | Hadfield | 36 |
| 14 | Long Eaton | 33 |
| 15 | Brimington | 22 |
| 16 | Glossop | 16 |
| 17 | Swadlincote | 14 |
| 18 | Belper | 8 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Long Eaton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 83.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 9% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 157 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 41.5 per 10,000 people, 37.7x the typical town's 1.1
- 5 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2019
What's left on the high street
- 17 pubs, 39 hairdressers, 10 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 4 vape shops, 6 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 46) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 3 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 7.9 per 100,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.9 per 10,000 people, 19% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 4 public swimming pools open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 19.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 23% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,502 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Erewash council
- £2,361 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £31 less than the English average
- 15% of Derbyshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Long Eaton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.