Crap Towns / Derbyshire / Swadlincote
Swadlincote
14/100Crap Score
Known as Swad or Swaddy. Locals are Swads.
847th crappest of 984 towns, and 17th in Derbyshire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Swad. They built Swadhenge.
The council stuck big rocks on a roundabout and the town has talked about nothing else since.
Swadlincote dug coal and made clay pipes and toilets for half the country. Now the council's stuck a load of big rocks on a roundabout, the Swads call it Swadhenge, and all anyone wants to know is what it cost. Fair question. It looks fucking daft.
The shops in the middle don't amount to much and there's nothing to do at night, so everyone goes elsewhere. Even the yobs. Lloyds and Santander have both packed up, which leaves Swad with one bank to its name and a pile of rocks.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Swadlincote's 50 for air pollution means it's crapper than 50% of towns.
- Air pollution50/1007.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain47/100126 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions43/1002.2 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene41/1002.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 147 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson40/1006.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Sewage spills37/100145 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour26/10011.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires25/1004.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband19/1002.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.4% across the South Derbyshire council area
- Fly-tipping13/1005.3 incidents per 1,000 people a year, South Derbyshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 11 | Ilkeston | 43 |
| 12 | Buxton | 42 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.13 | Hadfield | 36 |
| 14 | Long Eaton | 33 |
| 15 | Brimington | 22 |
| 16 | Glossop | 16 |
| 17 | Swadlincote | 14 |
| 18 | Belper | 8 |
| 19 | Dronfield | 4 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Swadlincote by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 80.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 6% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 6 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 1.5x the typical town's 1.1
- 2 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2018
What's left on the high street
- 20 pubs, 37 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 1 vape shop, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 32) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 5.8 per 100,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 1.7 per 10,000 people, 6% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- 3 public swimming pools open Better: 0.9 per 10,000 people, 29% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
- 2 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.09am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.7% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 31% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,485 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
South Derbyshire council
- £2,340 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £52 less than the English average
- 15% of Derbyshire County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Swadlincote against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.