Crap Towns / Cheshire / Bollington
Bollington
11/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 11. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Bollington? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Annoyingly bloody nice.
No crime, plenty of pubs, a folly on the hill. The villain is a camper van.
Bollington calls itself Happy Valley, and the annoying thing is it's right. Crime's about as low as it gets, nobody sets fire to anything and the roads are safe. There's White Nancy on the hill for the photos and more pubs than it needs at the bottom for after. The only villains are walkers and camper vans nicking residents' parking spaces.
The last bus out on a Wednesday leaves at 7.35pm, so pace yourself in the pubs.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bollington's 91 for broadband means it's crapper than 91% of towns.
- Broadband91/10021.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 16.3% across the Cheshire East council area
- Rain82/100159 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills66/100505 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Fly-tipping43/10010.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Cheshire East council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution38/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene26/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 38 food businesses with a rating
- Anti-social behaviour7/1004.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Serious road collisions2/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires0/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Neston | 28 |
| 14 | Alsager | 22 |
| 15 | Lymm | 21 |
| 16 | Wilmslow | 21 |
| 17 | Poynton | 15 |
| 18 | Knutsford | 14 |
| 19 | Macclesfield | 12 |
| 20 | Davenham | 12 |
| – | Bollington | 11 |
Bollington by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 31.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 59% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 3 problems reported on FixMyStreet in the year to October 2026 Better: 4.1 per 10,000 people, 80% lower than the typical town's 20.4
What's left on the high street
- 9 pubs, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 2x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.35pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 44.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,379 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 10% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Cheshire East council
- £2,455 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £63 more than the English average
- 17% of Cheshire East council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than England's 16%
- 33 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Bollington against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.