Crap Towns / Essex / West Mersea
West Mersea
5/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 5. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Leaving? Check the tide first.
Oysters, beach huts and a road to the mainland that disappears at high tide.
West Mersea is on an island and the only road off, the Strood, goes under at high tide. Then the buses are cancelled and everyone waits for the sea to move. It's lovely otherwise, with oysters, beach huts and boats and no trouble at all. Islanders reckon any used car on the island has already been in the sea.
The internet can't get across the Strood either. Gigabit broadband reaches 20.2% of premises. Barclays has shut its branch, so it's online banking or nothing, and mostly it's nothing. There are nearly eight times the typical town's public toilets per head. Plenty of places to go. Just not the mainland.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
West Mersea's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10079.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 17.8% across the Colchester council area
- Fly-tipping69/10015.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Colchester council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Air pollution34/1006.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene27/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 36 food businesses with a rating
- Sewage spills23/10054.3 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson10/1004.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires7/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions4/1000.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour2/1004.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain0/100105 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | Great Dunmow | 13 |
| 27 | Halstead | 12 |
| 28 | Rayleigh | 11 |
| 29 | Chelmsford | 9 |
| 30 | Hockley and Hawkwell | 7 |
| 31 | Maldon | 6 |
| – | West Mersea | 5 |
| 32 | Saffron Walden | 1 |
| 33 | South Woodham Ferrers | 0 |
West Mersea by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 34.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 2 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 3.1x the typical town's 0.9
- Good West Mersea's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 14.2 per 100,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 12.7 per 10,000 people, 7.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.15pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 34.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,777 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 16% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Colchester council
- £2,283 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £109 less than the English average
- 10% of Essex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 38% lower than England's 16%
- 2 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
West Mersea against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.